re: i'm worth waiting for

doesn't that slogan imply that you should wait to have sex because whoever is making you wait is really good in bed?

seems a little off...

A bright red, uniformly dense bloody area on the sclera results from a small amount of bleeding into the sclera. It is often first noted in the morning on arising. This is a fairly common occurrence and of little significance. If upon awakening in the morning, you notice a bloody blotch in one eye that doesn't hurt but just looks bad, don't worry. It is usually due to eyestrain or fatigue, and it generally clears up on its own after a few days.

eww...i'm so tired my blood vessels enlarged in my left eye, and now i have a bright red spot the size of a needlehead on my white of my eye.

i noticed i'm pouting all the time now. in response to almost anything. i dropped my spoon on the floor, and i pouted. no one is even home! i guess it's better than my shrieking phase.

this afternoon is moving really slowly. which is great!

i'm calling up little NBA folks soon. my team looks sissy. ah well. i don't have any of the kids i had last year. that's sucky. they were neat. some of the teams are so stacked though. it's rediculous. i'd complain. but..i guess i just did. justin is my partner. harhehe. whatever the hell that means.

vic c is cranky.

hee hee vic s has a date. she showed me the prom dresses she's been drawing. i was kind of surprised that she was actually drawing prom dresses. we joked about her flipping the page, and it being covered with "victoria fleming" in different styles of signatures.

but really. prom is months away. what are people thinking?

maybe i'm not one to talk. since everyone started talking to me about prom, i've been talking about it too much too.

anyways. i wonder if what robyn said is true. i guess i'd know better than anyone else. i don't think it'd be a good thing at all.
today was pretty normal.

"Thrilloilogy" - Powderfinger
that song's no good, but i like it.

it wasn't heidi. but her too.

ever since i re-downloaded morpheus, my computer has been messed up.

on the other hand, i really like melt with you.

i never noticed the lyrics.
o well.
80s bands have really bad names.

the other day i told mr.dramaman about my idea of having live music in the play. he said it might work, and he'd think about it. he makes me nervous.

vic c has a funny take on things. she always misunderstands me. not what i say, but...what i'm doing? i guess she's sensitive is all.

vic s knew so-and-so was gonna ask her all along. because of mr.g?! now there's a twist. a freaky one.

the more i hear people who say they "hate" _____, the more i feel sorry for her, and the more i don't mind her. haha god i hate how i can't ever mention names.

the quebec trip really was great. i don't know why it didn't feel special at the time, but looking back..

ew..gross pizza.

choir is amazing fun! i do think it's a little creepy, and shocking sometimes, but it's supposed to be religious, so it might as well be. i couldn't stop laughing though. i wanted to play piano in it though. i hope i get the chance one day.

some kid is making me wonder.

about a week till i'll be on the other side of the globe. why am i not even excited? i guess it'll come around when i start packing. which will probably be the night before. didn't i pack the night before moving to toronto? that didn't work out. i guess it took me 3 weekends to move everything i needed. i like thinking about how i didn't know what to expect at nerdery. it's fun remembering the first time i saw everyone, and my first days. actually...i remember hating my first few days. first week or two, in fact. i probably said it before, but i always remember things being better than they were.

"The Freshmen" - Verve Pipe

robin li is a tricky little boy.

with more than one prom date! aagh!

my eyes are so bad. everything is blurry.

especially yuuu!

anyways, i feel better.

i wonder what university will be like...

i fell asleep right after school today, and didn't wake up until around 9 or so. but when i did, my mom still wasn't home, since she was in oshawa today. but i felt really sad and lonely. i don't know why so much this time (grammar...ME GOOD!) since she's always away.

remember how i said we weren't getting along last weekend? she tried to offer to buy me a coat i really like, in a not-so-subtle attempt to make things better. don't think she's the kind of person to buy love, i just thought it was something funny to mention. i think she thinks i'm a lot more stressed out than i am. i'm just tired is all.

rosco has a runny nose. it's gross, and should be checked out, but i'm gonna put it off. it's sick when he sneezes on your face, though. but i guess that's nothing compared to all the gross bird crap stories i have.

robyn was saying we should go to pizza hut after am classes tomorrow. i doubt it'll happen. it would be fun to do something, but i've been putting everything off to tomorrow.

on wednesday, i have an english dramatic presentation to do.

the kinesiology (sp?) class gets to see cadavers tomorrow. i don't know how i'd feel about that. there's a diff between someone's flesh and someone's bones.

what the-- jason a just said the english monologues are for friday. hm. he's lying, that liar.

i never do homework anymore. chem is trickier than i was expecting.

something bugs me at school, but i can't figure out what it is.

play read-through = wow.

i'm pretty much convinced i'm an extra because of my looks. there were some pretty...well...i won't say anything about it. it's nothing to think about. it's different in a play; you want people to look how they're supposed to look. it's such a girl's play. but even...i mean...man....

i wanted to slap madison everytime she'd add in a comment or mess up the script. i also wanted my 2 hours of life back. but seeing how bad she felt about not being able to read afterwards just melted my heart. hahaha

ahh...why ?

i won't be bitter.

i wish josie was there though. her part is pretty good, it has a lot of lines. she gets quiet when we talk about it.

___ was acting oddly today. maybe he was just looking at the periodic table. robyn didn't think so. she's so horny. but today she was lots of fun. she thinks a lot of things though.

suppertime. i know what time it is.

my feet have the grossest STANK. that is all.

so my audition went average. it was .... better than okay. not definately not great. i made mr.g laugh, at one point, which was good. but now i have two roles. one has a name, the other doesn't, which is blah. basically, i'm an extra. i got a look at who the girl who is diana looks like, and yeah, she looks like what you'd think diana would look like. i guess you could call it racist, but then again, i have a part, don't i?

Steph,
It sounds so racist. i guess sometimes unintentional discrimination could be pretty bad!!! i am glad that u look at every happily (or r u?) though. i think if i were you, i would be mad for at least one week.
Went i read about the "Asian Invasion", i thought you got kicked out because of ur "rasict" comment. but your ending is so much better and untraditional than i expected.
the rocky horror movie is soo wrong, but i think everyone should go and watch at least once. well, it is an exposture of certain "experience" after all!!!
Later!!!
Robin
ps. i love ur blog!!!!

Asian invasion didn't go as planned. but it was only phase one. and it was only me, laughing too hard in the library. we call it a protest, but really, all i did was refuse to get out of julia's chair because she is french-canadian. but then she joined in and ruined it. or was it that she rolled me away that ruined it?

suddenly, i want to act. but i've been reciting lines from king lear for the english dramatic pres. on wednesday, and it's kind of hard not to sound like i'm trying to be english. which i guess i am doing...but it sounds much better when you just say it. i remember when i was petruchio for mr.p's class, and i tried to hit on claire, but i dont' think anyone even noticed. they probably just thought i was gonna barf. at volunteering, they kept making fun of the way i hit on people. i think it was cause my "angry sounds" sounded like "horny sounds". and my friendly, polite phrases always came out perverted. like my famous "hello there. sure, sleepovers are great fun! who doesn't like sleeping with big groups! well. i guess i prefer the older kids to the younger kids. but both are always really enthusiastic!". i think i'm going to do edmund's "oh pity me, i'm a bastard!" lines. it's fun. i hate the last line though, "now, gods, stand up for the bastards!" it sounds like a commercial. maybe i should raise my fist in determination.

so volunteering was fun this time around! i got a letter from mike, plus a chocolate! i ate it. some of the volunteers were eyeing me funny because they didn't know where i got the chocolate from. i bet they thought i just grabbed it off some desk. which..i guess...is true! i'm trying to remember any fun stuff that happened...
i think i'm starting to be okay with crazy-super-enthusiastic-college-volunteer. which i guess can be disturbing.

after volunteering, i was planning on going to see rocky horror picture show with a bunch of people, but i dropped out because i was dead tired, the roads were bad, but mainly my mom and i were on the verge of fighting. i had been a lousy whiny spoiled piece of crap for the last while. i would say i wish i had gone, except that i probably would have made it less fun, being as tired and cranky as i was.

although..now that i'm hearing about josh's crossdressing, robin's first run-in with pot, the other people who showed up at the cinema...

i'm scared of biotech.

that song julia quoted on her blog, the popular one, is played all the time on this radio station in toronto. i actually don't like it. it's annoying. although...i like that one song, swing swing. which wasn't quoted on her blog. haha.

when i first saw the video, and the lead singer, i thought it was bright eyes. simply because the singer had really really bright eyes. haha aww. yea yea i'm cool. *as she raises the roof....with a gigantic jack*.

ahaaaahahahaa
i really shouldn't find myself so funny. it's a sign that i'm just grossly, grossly lame.

Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.

i had a dream that gemma, of all people, mentioned that song in her blog. i don't even know what the whole point of it was.

y'ar mateys.

it's nice being home .. again. i was at school for a grand total of what...2 and a bit hours?

my audition is at 3. betsy what she had to do, and it was coming up and acting out an interesting way to die in 30 seconds, and what was the other one...something about santa claus? hm. it'll be fun. josie's doing hers at the same time. except gemma is trying out too, she wants to be diana. somehow i doubt he'll let 3 asians be anything important in the play. but betsy and gemma have done plays before. ah well.

haha aw it's all very funny.
oops..i forgot to show laurie the nerdery pictures. ah well.

i got five bucks for filling out a survey, today.

i saw mackenzie. she says she likes guelph. she's doing arts and science program. she says they call it the bachelor of electives program.

mr.storms is starting to get mad at me for not coming to homeroom. he said he's gonna start being mean, and he's going to follow the rules, and not let me go to 1st if i don't go to homeroom. i said i've been trying to get to homeroom. i'll start going, don't worry about it. and he said, "good intentions are like fainting women. they should be carried out." i paused for a while, then started laughing. i think he was slightly offended. well i guess i would be too.

i paid 2 bucks to come home early. i regret nothing!

it's always something.

i have a case of the newton's. it'll turn into a rash of julia's in a while. too bad it won't go back to the way it was. ah well. it must be for the best, even if it never is.

i like being pessimistic. it's so much harder to be disappointed this way. i keep thinking it's saturday. which is nice. i just had my piano lesson. it's weird seeing mrs.m two days a week, right after another. i'm always late so we never get anything done. i was playing like a dolt. my eyes felt so weird; tired, blurry, swollen, but it only got like that when i got to her house. the notes would jumble together, and i couldn't recognize any keys. it was the first time anything like that's happened before. her piano feels weird. the keys go down really easily. we're aiming to have me take my grade 9 exam in ... summertime? so she's really pushing me, and that's fine, except i don't push myself. i don't play what i don't like, and i don't like things until i'm good at them.

mr.gomez, yesterday, wore 2 pairs of glasses at once.

i remember the days when i'd come to school at 9 every day.

i already owe mike another dollar for this week. we're going to fucking toronto on friday, so i can't even make my 4th practice friday night.

doesn't matter.

i'm coasting along on a cloud of apathy. it could be worse.

none of these posts are interesting anymore. i remember the days when i had actual stories. oh well. nuts to you, fools.

i'm at home because it's my first year 5 day, and so i see it as the one i can skip without getting in trouble for, even if i'm caught.

what's new.

yesterday's lunch was pretty fun. julia looked really sad, sitting on the floor, in her bum sweater, with paper stars taped to her head, holding open yogurt mini-cups. at least she seemed happier after we messed around in the chapel.

.....and by that i mean that she played guitar and i danced and sang. obviously.

chris and andrew are home. i was practicing piano when chris came over and started playing at the same time, to mess me up. i messed up, and he said you suck. i dunno why that got to me so much. i'm suddenly really sensitive.

oh well though.

they watched A Beautiful Mind yesterday, and afterwards, my mom was saying how now she "knows how Yee Ma feels". yee ma is her older sister, and is supposedly mildly schizophrenic. i guess she is called that. i don't know though. but that's what she's called.

"fake plastic trees" - Radiohead

hahaha rosco just walked into the room. he never flies anymore. i guess that should be a worry.

tomorrow is my audition. i don't really care about it, i'm just curious to how it goes. so it's a good thing i'm not nervous, but should i really be so indifferent? i wonder what they'll make us do. probably just read lines.

the tutorial/debate in english went blah. mrs.d made a big deal out of it, and there was nothing. jason a kept saying before how "you're gonna be second on the english list...second to me". yikes, let's try not to sound like we're from a cheesy kids movie. all he needed was to be twice my size, with two goons behind him, and with a menacing fist in my face. he kept jumping between statements like that to ones like "yeah, people think i look stupid. i know i do. what was your first impression of me? i bet you thought i was stupid. ohhh pity me pity me pity me". then he started talking about prom, of all things. who the hell thinks about prom in february?!

in my music history lesson yesterday, we were talking about virtuosity in baroque era. mrs.m said something like the term gifted is grossly misused nowadays, and i totally agree. except for more personal reasons than just trying to describe virtuosity. it's not low self-esteem, it's being realistic. if i feel a way, i'm going to say it, and you can think whatever you want of it, but i can't decide how you feel for you. so if i complain it's not about comparing our lives or abilities.

i really like music history, surprisingly. harmony was hell, but now you get to listen to music and ... ugh..know the history..behind it. wow, that was great.

"banditos" - the refreshments

laurie said she was refreshing. i don't think she is. i'm sure she could be.
haha fool.

it sounds like it was tonnes easier to become a doctor back in my mom and dad's day. some distant relative of mine is becoming a doctor. surprise surprise. except he's being funny about it, and going into an undergrad pre-med program in scotland. he's my age, and of course my mom did her usual "i'm not forcing you to think about it, but make sure you think about it" act. why would anyone want to specialize so early?

last summer, my dad told each of us what our greatest strengths were. i asked what he thought my biggest weakness was, and he said he didn't hang around me enough to know, so i should hang around him more. yet how'd he know what our strengths were? he sees the world as a huge battle, friendships as strategies, and money as money. he's the smartest person i know, but.. i don't know where i'm going with this.
so anyways, he said that mark was a people-person, which is why he didn't like being at trinity college. chris is the most intelligent, but so much so that he doesn't know where to start, and no one can understand him. obviously, baba remembers chris as he was in his teen-dark-and-death years. andrew is the all-rounder. haha sucker.

i want to beat someone up. such a bad mood. i think i'm just hungry. *insert laugh*

"across the universe" - Fiona Apple.

settle down. i know it's a cover.

sleepover this w/e. harrison will be there. i told my mom that if my future doesn't turn out well, i will just buy a tim hortons and set up in trenton. she promptly crushed that dream.

i told chris about the goat thing, and he said "why do you think they need money? they don't need money, they need people to care for them and to help them out. everyone thinks what the world needs is more money!"

everything is stupid.

me, pointing at my mom's stomach: you used be in here!
andrew: you used to live in mama's crotch!
me, to mom: you came from poipoi(Gramma)'s crotch!

it's so annoying when people act a certain dramatic way just to draw attention to themselves. and they say things purposely so that you can say exactly what they want so that they seem a certain way, or so they can freak out. brianne was doing it afterschool, and it was annoying as hell. it's up there with compliment-fishing. which i guess is in that same category anyways. it's so pathetic. it's worse when people play along, though. i wish people would act more real. it's so refreshing, but it should be normal. i guess people find me fake as well. screw them.

talked to april about her dominican experience. and was disappointed. the whole point of it is so you see the real poverty behind the painted-over resort facade, and yet she and a bunch of other girls are going back in the summer (they say) and they refuse to stay anywhere but...in a resort. fucking idiots. what a horrible group to send over. i guess if some people hadn't dropped out last year, i would have had to go with them. damn, that would have sucked megaloshit.

sorry 'bout that robin. you should meet these girls. wait no, don't.

i hate how i'm finding people more and more annoying lately, even if i thought they were annoying before. i don't like disliking people. but they can't help it. har har. no, but i really liked how i could let things slide before, and how if i didn't like someone, it wouldn't even bother me. it seems i can't get away from them. but i don't want to try. the wrong people are going to think i'm talking about them. whatever. you know how i feel about you. i'm allowed to be unhappy, aren't i?

i got my report card from nerdery today. all's well.
mr.gomez is neat. but you can tell the whole class is scared of him. lord knows i sort of am. but i always laugh at him. he doesn't even do anything funny. while he was away, vic and i discovered just how much we know about him. which is both scary and sad.

chris p still has my cn tower pen. he better not think he's stealing it; it's sentimental. hah. the actual pen is sentimental. it will get upset.

i gave mike a dollar today because i only went to 2 swim practices last week. if i go to 3 more this week, he'll have to pay up 2 bucks. by the end of the season, we'll do something neat with the money.

i don't like going to swimming. it's boring, your muscles feel like they're peeling apart, i feel depressed, ignored, insignificant, you can't breathe, your eyes burn, your hair tugs at your scalp, and in today's case the middle of the pool was really really warm, and the rest was cold. i felt like barfing everytime i swam into the warm area. i don't know why. maybe because i was probably swimming in someone's pee. i almost did barf today. i think kevin knew. "so why don't you just quit?" i don't know. fuck off.

today, the wrong people were hyper. i think most people in school are just tolerating each other. i'm not excited for university. i don't want to plan my life. chris got another rejection letter from university of ottawa, this time. he revealed that he didn't think he'd get into med school this time. he already booked another MCAT writing.

god. MCAT sounds like pure hell. an 8 hour long exam that decides your fate...for the next while. slap me the next time i complain about a test.

in the physics exam, mr.gomez said that if we didn't get the 1st question, we'd slap ourselves, cause the answer is so simple and obvious. and if not, he'd slap us. i handed it in, and watched his expression. he just stared at my paper, and then his face turned red. i quickly sat down...far away.

so today was an average day. then why do i feel ..

.. dead? gone?

hm.

i miss people i've lost touch with. i wonder what they're doing right now; as i write this. i should call them. but i doubt i will. that's just too normal, and i can't bitch about missing them anymore, after i call. plus, if i call them, and talk to them, and the convo is awkward, our stories dont' make sense, i dont' know any of the people they talk about, they've changed...i'd rather keep it this way. i know, i know.

it's reading week so dandy andy and chris the piss (i dunno) are coming home. andrew is in the kitchen, talking about/to some cooking pot he missed, wearing the black labcoat i "borrowed". since my red one was written all over (damn you grasshopper!), i do believe i shall take back the gift i gave him, and wear the black one in labs.

anyways. today was one of those days where you walk around all day, then come home, only to find out you had a booger sticking out of your left nostril. not that that happened at all. i checked. hah. no, but i feel like today was just stupid. i dont' know how else to describe it. it was a stupid day. at least i got some chocolate covered almonds out of it.

laurie was acting shocked about krystian, but i think it was an act. that's right. you read me! you knew i was going to show him pictures. you even suggested the ones online. so blah.

i suddenly remembered about the bus #8 un-trip website.

i think paradoxia is the funniest thing i've ever read. honestly. ah yes.

i have a sleepover this weekend. harrison will be there. i've been 30minutes late for all the sleepovers so far.

told teen light about the goat idea. they liked it. neat-o.

swimming starts in 10 minutes and i can't get a hold of my mom. i bet she's with a psychotherapy patient. damn.

people are thinking about prom already. that's scary and a little freaky. i wish my biggest worry in life right now was prom. lisa told me she got her prom dress back before xmas. freak.

at foundations, i saw a lamb chop puppet/stuffed animal that was EXACTLY like the one i got when i was 4, from people from wisconsin (i know i said michigan before). i freaked out, thinking it was mine. it's not. we thought maybe it was left in the boat house, and joan gave it to salvation army. my mom got really mad, but when i found my actual one, i was more relieved that i thought i'd be. sappy. my mom laughed at me.

andrew's home, as mentioned before. he asked if my mom and i were getting along. i said yes, my mom said no. what does that say?

the mass was fun. i like to sing. josie is really good!

this is called Paradoxia, and it was written by a friend. i think it's unbelievably hilarious, but the one other person i showed it to found it disgusting and weird. ah well.


SCENE 1 - INT. Kitchen - Evening
The kitchen is decorated for a birthday party with a "Star Wars" theme. MARK, a boy, about eighteen and looking unhappy, wears a party hat and sits in front of a cake with eighteen candles. As he blows out the candles, CLAPPING and SINGING is heard from his MOTHER off camera. A nicely wrapped gift is lowered into the boy's lap. Throughout the action, you can only see Mark and perhaps his mother's hands.

Mother: What did you wish for darling?
Mark: Nothing.
Mother: Come now dear, what do you want most?
Mark: Nothing.
Mother (showing concern): Markie, what's the matter, did you wish your friends would come?

Camera pans around the table to show a large number of stuffed animals sitting at places at the table and wearing party hats

Mark: No.
Mother: What did you wish for then, Markie?
Mark: You said you were going to tell me.
Mother (a little more sternly): Now Mark, you said you weren't going to bring that up.
Mark: You said you would tell me on my eighteenth birthday.
Mother: I did, but then we decided-
Mark (outburst): You decided, not me, you!
Mother: Now Mark, try to come down.
Mark: I will not calm down, you said you would tell me who my father was!

Camera moves out so that we are now able to see Mark's mother. She is clearly a man in drag, but this is unbeknownst to Mark.

Mother (sincerely): Mark, honey. I want to tell you very much. But I just don't think that the time is right yet. You trust your mother, right?
Mark (settling): Yes mom.
Mother: So are we going to drop this?
Mark: Yes mom.
Mother: Now open your present dear.

Mark opens the present and revels and extravagant time piece. He is unimpressed.

Mark: Grandpa's watch.
Mother (not noticing his apparent lack of enthusiasm): You deserve it dear. Now what do you say?
Mark (forced): Thanks mom.
Mother: Now off to bed, you do have school tomorrow.
Mark: (drops timepiece on the table) Yes mom.

SCENE 2 - INT. Bedroom - Night
Mark is watching the end of "The Empire Strikes Back" on television while he lies in bed.

Darth Vader: Luke, I am your father.
Mark: Oh Luke, if only I were like you. If only I could find out who my father was and make out with my hot sister.

Depressed, Mark begins to look through old a stack of movies. He is about to pas by "Back to the Future" but then takes another look.

Mark (getting an idea): Wait a second. This movie has given me an idea, exactly opposite of what the title implies. I'll build a time machine, go back in time to when my mom met my dad and discover his true identity. But there's only one way I can build that time machine.

Mark gets up and jumps out is window.

SCENE 3 - EXT. Street, 1984 - Mid-afternoon
Mark is walking down a street.
Mark: I'm sure glad that worked.

Mark continues to walk down the street gaping at the wonder that is 1984. As he walks, he accidentally bumps into a young woman. Unknown to Mark, the woman is a younger version of Mark's mother. There is an immediate connection between the two, the sexual tension is STRONG.

Mark (stuttering): I'm so sorry, are you alright.
Young Woman: Yes, I'm fine.
Mark: Hi, my name's Mark.
Young Woman: That's a really nice name.
Mark: Thank you. (pause) Can I help you with anything?
Young Woman: Sure, I'm new around here, no where to get a stiff drink?
Mark: Do I!

Mark escorts the young woman down the street and into a bar.

SCENE 4 - INT. Bedroom - Dawn
We see a bed with two people in it. One stirs, and MARK gets up out of the bed. He looks around the room to see what time it is, and discovers a familiar timepiece on the commode. He looks at it queerly as his discovery slowly sinks in. He quickly looks over to his bed and sees the young woman role over, her face exposed. Mark finally sees who the woman is. He glances back at the watch then grabs his mouth. He EXITS into the bathroom and we hear him retching. He RENTERS wiping his mouth.

Mother (seductively): Come back to bed Markie, and unsheathe your meat sabre.

MUSIC from "Planet of the Apes" plays and Mark runs out of the bedroom.

SCENE 5 - INT. Staircase - Dawn
MUSIC still plays. Mark runs down the stairs and out the front door of the house.

SCENE 6 - EXT. Street - Dawn
MUSIC still plays. Mark runs out of the house stumbling. He continues to run down the street in a fit of madness until he is off camera.

SCENE 7 - INT. Kitchen, Present Day - Afternoon
Mark's mother sits worried by the telephone. We hear the front door OPENS. We hear FOOTSTEPS and heavy BREATHING but see nobody.

Mother: Mark is that you? (no reply) Mark I've been worried sick, the school phoned and said you never showed up. (still no reply). Mark? MARK?!

Mark ENTERS. He looks just as one would imagined you'd feel after finding out you fathered yourself..

Mark: You bitch.
Mother: Mark, I forbid you to talk to me like that.
Mark: Why didn't you just tell me.
Mother: Tell you? I don't understand.
Mark: Oh, you understand. You understand just perfectly. You incestuous pig!
Mother (clueing in): I don't know what you mean.
Mark: Don't play coy with me! You knew who I was.
Mother (distressed): No…
Mark: You knew I was my father and you never told me!
Mother (outburst): How could I? What the hell kind of sense does that make. You would have never believed me if I told you!
Mark: What other secrets have you kept from me!? (long pause) What else could there be?
Mother (hesitantly): I'm not really your mother.
Mark: What!? That's impossible, I rode you all night!
Mother: I know dear but…(Mother takes off her wig and rubs off her makeup) I'm actually your father…too.
Mark (indescribable look on face): But that's impossible.
Mother: I was born a bouncing baby boy, but, due to my shallow gene pool, I was also born with a uterus.
Mark: But, but…
Mother: I was born with the ability to have children. My, father decided to make me woman, and so I had a few operations.
Mark (curiously): What did you mean when you said, shallow gene pool?
Mother: Well, my uh…undiversified genes.
Mark: You mean grandma and grandpa cousins?
Mother: No…
Mark: Were they brother and sister?
Mother: No…
Mark: Then what was it?
Mother: Well, my condition is genetic you see…and I guess I must have passed on my…traits…
Mark (understanding): No.
Mother: I didn’t know…it was an accident…
Mark (denying it): No!
Mother: You see son, after our rendezvous, I wasn't the only one with a…bun in the oven.
Mark (grabbing stomach): Then, I'm…I'm…
Mother: With me.
Mark: What?!
Mother: You took on the identity of a woman. You didn't want the same mother son relationship we had, you were so determined not to have a son…and then when you wouldn't tell me about my father, I went back too…too far unfortunately. And there we me and…
Mark (Grabs grandfather's timepiece on table): So this is mine?
Mother: Yes.
Mark: It can't be true…
Mother: Just look at our family tree.

Mother holds up a family tree which consists of the faces of herself and Mark and have about ten arrows going back and forth between the two.

Mark: So I'm your, and you’re my, and then, but, you’re my-
Mother: I like to call it, grand mosonather. (Mark is in total disbelief, and drops to the ground, hands still grabbing the watch on the table) Mark, don't be upset, you got your wish. (Grabs butcher's knife on the table). I guess I'll just have to make it official for you. (Mother brings down the butcher's knife onto the table. We don't see what she does but can assume. Mark screams and then stands up. He only has one hand. Mark looks over at his mother) Now Markie, you have to make it official for me too.

Mother rolls up her sleeve and exposes her wrist. With a maniacal look Mark raises the butcher's knife and brings it down quickly. Mother SCREAMS. She lifts her arm and she too is missing a hand. They look at each other.

Mark: I love you grand mosonather.
Mother: I love you grand mosonather.

Mark and Mother hug. Mark breaks the hug and holds his stomach for a second.

Mark (pointing at Mother): You stop it now.

Both laugh uncontrollably. A person in a Storm Trooper's outfit ENTERS and laughs along with them. Mark and Mother shrug and continue to laugh.

THE END

Steph says:
are you offended when people don't like your writings?
... says:
no, I sympathise

so yes, i'm still here.

had a long long chat with jason a, of all people. shannon, it's steve. steve you know who. don't you forget it. we could have guessed, eh? i hope for his sake, he doesn't ask. although..hm.
anyways it's early sunday am. reminds me of nerdery days because i'm up so late, wasting time, and no one is kicking me off. robin found my blog, through julia's blog. sucks, but oh well. he said it was "so 1997" and the font was "late". hahaha robin. i hope you're reading this right now. how ya doin'?

setting krystian up with laurie. showed him pictures of her. he refused to see more, after we realized how creepy it would seem. "i saw your pictures on the internet. TALK TO ME." i feel weird about it though. nerts to that. hehe.

laurie, don't let him find my blog! spanks.

saw chicago again tonight. t'was fine. kristine really wants to visit me, with laura. she said possibly weekend after next. i'd dye her hair. she really wants me to, it seems.

the convo with jason was sort of thought-provoking. he kept bringing up king lear. which is fine. it's nice to talk about it with people. i'm in a pretty mellow mood.

jen has a crush on mike. she doesn't deny it.

julia! why are you a member on my nerdery msn group thing?!!?hahahahha it's so funny though...

made me mad.

$150 is about the same amount of money someone would spend on a new outfit one of these days. or how much someone might earn in a week. maybe less. i kept seeing kids peeling out of the parking lot with their cars.

didn't my uniform cost more than $150?

i'm a hypocrite. watch me do nothing.

Yellow Ledbetter - Pearl Jam
everyday seems so dragged out, yet they go by too quickly at the same time. i feel really tired, but not in the physical sense. it's pretty hard to describe. i feel really restless, but i don't want to do anything, nor get anything done. in some way, i feel like i'm wasting my time, but i don't know what i'm wasting it at. it's so frustrating to wake up and not wanting to be alive, at least not for a few more minutes. there's no way to not make that sound suicidal, but that's the way it goes. i feel a little detached, and really unlike myself. but then again...

there was this one conversation with chris...
he was saying that it makes no sense for people to say "you're not being yourself today", when you're acting moody, because being moody is part of you. if you do it, it's you. so i guess this is just the way i am.

hah. what useless paragraphs.

while reading king lear today, 4 people told me "man, i hated that book!".
i really like english. i wonder what it's like in university. this isn't the first time i've considered going into arts. i don't think i'd survive it, though. meaning: i wouldn't be able to keep up.

...who the hell still says "man," anything? aagh, i know i do.

i can tell mrs.demaiter wonders what the hell she's doing teaching our class. we put no effort in at all. today, she was talking about this book that analyzes shakespearian tragedy. she was going to say how it's a good book to read if you're planning on going on with english in university, but then she paused and said :"have an interest in english at all". the closest thing to a potential english major in our class is this big dumb looking guy, who is retaking our course. he's one of those people who make comments and ask questions they know the answers to, just to show what they know. one thing that keeps me from saying i want to go into teaching is that i'll end up with a shitty class sooner or later.

heidi is funny.

i can't believe the 2nd week of school isn't even over. is this all there is?
i don't want to think that way though. school sucks because of all the people who say it sucks.

i know what i said.

aahhaaa..
i suck because i laughed at andrew. i feel ...
hm

off to bed.

my uncle's cousin is jesus
laura is going to buffalo this weekend. i asked why, and she said...
"jesus christ superstar....my uncle's cousin is jesus!"

understandably, (sp?) there was a pause. then when i figured out what she really meant, there was another pause.

anyways, guess who got locked out of her house? and went to her neighbours to ask for a phone, these neighbours she hasn't talked to since....well...hm. anyways, and then when she finally got in her house, noticed the ceiling was leaking? that obnoxious toilet is at it again.

josie got back at me for all my "oo i wanna be in teen light! wait. i'm not gonna do anything though" and such and such. haha i find that witty. (blah). but i deserve it, and i'm appreciative.

i feel horrible for laughing at andrew d's drawing of emma. now i'm remembering how afterwards, i showed vic, and a small group gathered round me. and we laughed, condensendingly. thinking back, it was like a scene from a crappy teen movie. no more.

my mom calls her purse a "pursie". she's not trying to be cute. it's because a lot of chinese words end in "-sie" sound, so she's making chinglish again. i'm fluent in chinglish.

i don't have a sleepover program this weekend. so dance, monkey, dance!

furny
some funnier stuff just happened.

like my mom telling me to finish off the rice, since she's on a diet, and i'm "a growing boy."
i said "but i'm a girl!" and she started to...jiggle. that's all i can call it.

rosco broke out of his cage this morning, making me lateR for school. i explained to mr.storms. i don't think he believed me. i was sort of glad i didn't have to make up a total lie.

something not so funny happened, that being chris not getting into medical school at western. it's the first response he's gotten from any of the med schools, so ...
but my mom just said: that rejection letter from western was kind of rude, eh? *mutters* anglo-saxon school..

my parents always tie bad things that happen to us into racism. well, not always. it's just funny, in a sad way, when they do do it.

i told people i'm "going back to the motherland" for march break. they ran after me and beat me with their little red books.
not really. but i am going back to china. i didn't think it'd be fun, honestly. i find it scarier than anything. i don't know how my mom managed to live in hong kong all her life, and come out so naive. but then again..can you imagine living in some megalohuge city all your life? that'd be so much fun.

pink moon
everyone has blogs. it's getting creepy. i guess it's only creepy if i read them. which i probably will end up doing. aw. i'm a suck.
i don't like blogging as much, because then i have nothing to say to people when i'm actually standing in front of them. which is sad, really. i'll keep my mini-inner-tube story to myself for now.

to be fair, shannon, that "spider" didn't look like a spider (it was missing legs), so we can't be sure what it is. but no more throwing buggies for me. it made me want to barf, really. v.i.p. did nothing for me! remember when the cop-lady taught us how to do shrooms?

josie is funny. she's too busy during lunch though.
robyn was annoying in chem today. she got that tone of voice where she's trying to be a slut-thug, and it was annoying. damn you erma ree, just sit in front of us. your face when andrew came to sit beside you was priceless. that kid isn't so bad. god, do i have anything meaningful to say at all? i was shocked at the tennis-necklace vic gave me. i think it's neat though. ...yep....

so some people from toronto want to go to a coldplay concert this june. i guess i'd like to go. $45 for okay seats, $20 for lawn. hm.
it's on a wednesday, about a week before exams. how would i even get there?

i totally forgot about steve's party this weekend. i have another sleepover program saturday though. i vaguely remember my mom saying we were going to toronto on friday, but who knows. let us see if harrison is working this weekend.. maybe it will work out.

shit. there's this girl on my msn list, and i don't know who she is. she's one of two people, but i'm not sure which. one of them i can't stand (jittery college volunteer) and the other i want to talk to (michelle from 2nd semester school). ah well. nuts to that. it's suppertime (at 8:17pm).

mom: what are you doing, mai mai?
me: blog.
mom: bluhh?
me: blog. blog. blog. blog--
mom: blouuhh?
me: --blog. blog. blog. bl--
mom: clock?
me: blawwwwggg. BlaaaaAAAwwwgggggg
mom: aiyah! don't do email, ahh?!

i have amazing communication skills

oriantino's so nice. i think she thinks something happened that actually didn't. looking back on what i wrote, i can see what she prolly thought.

i feel better, it might be because i had something to eat.
but i'm going to say it's because of "let my love open the door" - peter towns(h?)end [i mention that song way too often. i also mention that i mention that song too often too much]. too bad he's a suspected pediophile. ah well. beggars can't be choosers. that saying was totally inappropriate. i think i'll leave it there.

anyways, that song is lame. but i likes it.
i guess i just have to accept some things as they are. my mom actually told me that i'm probably going to have to "tone down" on piano and swimming. i was kind of surprised she said that, even though she's always threatened to stop paying for both of those, since i 'stopped' going to them. yesterday, i had a big conversation with my cousin pamela about swimming. she's on the u of t team. i told her about going to mac, and she flipped. i guess mac always comes in 2nd place (2nd to toronto), they are like arch rivals. it was funny though, because she started slipping in things like "yeah, well i don't think mac has a good team spirit. the guys hate the girls, and at the last meet, their guys were pratically cheering for us...mac is all freestylers, so all they do is free...you're not a freestyler, are you? yeah, at u of t, we're getting a bunch of new breaststrokers (*don't laugh, you loser!*)." and so on..

it'd be lame to go to a school just for a sport though. especially one that i have such an intense love-hate relationship with.

so i'm trying to figure out what exactly made me start feeling better.

not too sure.

damn, stupid algeo.
stupid people who think stupid questions are stupid easy.

that's right. that was what it was all about: a math question.

oh....go figure.

heidi asked me if all smart people had "big fancy" pencils. i said yes. we decided on that during the last big meeting. she said: the last big meeting? me: yes, the last big meeting of smart people. "oh" she says, and she starts walking away, but trips over the carpet. it was hilarious. i don't think i mind her that much. she's just...well...

yeah.

it's not different, but you know it's not the same
they made me feel so stupid. it was so wrong for them to do it. it was the first time in a long time, that i felt insecure. i want to go back and scream all the other things i can do, but it's best if i forget it all. it makes me so angry though, and it even reminds me of how angry i would get during the last months. it made me feel like i wasn't supposed to be there. as if they were too good for me to be there. the best part is how they probably have no idea i feel this way; it was such a casual comment.

i come back, and everyone acts one way around me, then i get the totally opposite reception over there. you would think it would keep me down-to-earth, but i'm starting to think that you can't do anything with a little bit of everything.

uh oh...krystian just asked if i like bob dylan. me thinks he reads me blog?

more...

... says:
think you're so damned trendy
Steph says:
it's cause i am.
... says:
you're whoever I want you to be
Steph says:
that's why my mom calls me trendmaster G
Steph says:
the G stands for trendy.

i don't know why you say goodbye, i say hello
the beatles are fun. but listening to their early stuff, i don't know why they were so popular. it's funny when big "rockers" name the beatles as their influences, because the beatles were SO fluffy before. did you know bob dylan was idolized by john lennon? and john lennon wrote to bob dylan, and bob wrote back saying that john's lyrics didn't have any meaning, nor stand for anything? so john got all depressed, and started writing meaningful lyrics. THAT's how crazy old bob dylan is. oh crazy bob. before his concert, they introduced him as "the voice of the 60's, naked in the 70's, declared a has-been in the 80's, and found jesus in the 90's".

i just finished yet another sleepover program. the kids in this one were definately less insane, but i had less of a good time. i think it's because harrison wasn't there, sadly. he's so neat. i'm meeting up with nerdamungos (that's not a word...in any language. well, maybe esperanto. just kidding.) tomorrow at B's house. krystian will be there, i plan on telling him laurie thinks he's hot. "tell him he has nice eyes!" haha. aw.

i feel stupid typing about this. so i won't. ahh all better.

at the sleepover, the kids broke apart real owl furballs, and they found some real intact mouse skulls. it was grossly cool. andria posted a picture of me sipping from the real human skull, that day back in the bio dry lab. damn, that was nasty. but still funny. poor hu-MAAN. *robot voice*

gary learns to love.

hm. so i peeked into my old classrooms. it made me incredibly sad to see writing on the board. the calc class is learning about limits. the physics class has a problem set due monday. big whoop. but still, i felt really sad. it's horrible to know that life goes on without you. i told my mom this and she laughed at me in an "aw, isn't that cute!" kind of way. like last time, we ate at the new chinese place by where jenna, steph w, and lisa used to live. it was where we all ate together the last day before graduation. i get all teary eyed whenever we go there. i bet it gets annoying for my mom, especially since i always suggest we go there, then i say stuff like " *huge sigh*, we sat right over there. this is where i paid for my meal. that's where lisa lived". blah blah. it's messed; now some new semester chick is living in lisa and steph's house. i feel like they're not "real s. students", since they're a new class. but i was the new class for last year's people.

a lot of the geeks were on tv, last wednesday. krystian was in the toronto star. i saw a pic, and it's hilarious. he looks like such a fool. he's ducking away from a big spray of water. kristine said she talked to a billionaire: mr.westin, owner of the westin hotel chain, and loblaw's. the 2nd richest family in canada. i told mark, and he got in a huff about how mr.westin is helping to pay for 150 kids to go to private schools or something like that. he said it was a direct hit against the public school system. i can't imagine mark as a teacher. i wonder how many giggles he's gonna get because they'll have to call him mr.sun. i asked him if he'd let his class call him mark, and he said (in his new teacher-i'm-the-man voice), "there is a certain degree of respect that comes with using the last name of an authority figure..." and so on. ah mark. you deserve a head-butting.

anyways, i'm getting desensitized to the badtalking of people, and i don't like it. robyn is pretty bad at making surface judgements. even though she is pretty accurate, i still don't like it too much. i also dislike how she tells me she wants to do well, then tells me she's confused, doesn't ask any questions, accepts that she "just can't get it", and doesn't pay attention when i try to explain. she wants me to be her tutor. if you're not willing to work, don't expect me to help, fool. other people work their asses off and still get a mark lower than they deserve, so don't think i'm gonna help you get a mark higher than you should get.

that came out of nowhere. ah well. c'est la vie.

frou frou.

i feel sort of replaced.

i think in this last year of high school, everything is almost coming to a conclusion. it seems that everyone has suddenly grown, in one way or another, and is becoming more of individuals. or else they are exposing their true selves by reinventing themselves into part of a crowd. (...did you get that?). the people who have been secretly hated for years are finally finding out what people really think of them; everyone is becoming more like who they really want to be. at least i hope so. now if only we can stop using "gay" and "retarded" as insults...

arrogant? yeah, that's me.

jordan is dating the little sister of steve, the lead singer of my brothers' band. i was talking to jordan about how neat i thought that was, and he told me i was being fake. i really wasn't. of all the things to call me, i think someone calling me fake would be the one i take the hardest. well, i guess it depends on who says it. i like how a lot of things are easy to shrug off nowadays. i think i'm talking about a totally different thing now. ah well. this is what you get when you talk to me at 12:30am.

i started tearing today. because of stupid writing on chalkboards. i also felt like one of those annoying flirty girls today, because i would only hang out with the guys at volunteering. it seems like the girls all try to hide their shyness and insecurity and nervousness of meeting new people by being overly-friendly, and extremely, rediculously enthusiastic. it's fucking bullshit, and annoying as hell. at least guys are too lame-ass to try coming out of their shells, so they stay quiet. they seem more interesting, but that may be because they don't talk as much, so i can't tell if they're jackasses or not. (usually, the girls just stare at me, because they think i'm being serious. i think they might be scared of me. let us hope so. eg: squeaky college girl sneezed, blessed herself, and said "sorry bout that guys! *laughs hysterically and claps hands loudly*". i said: aw that's okay. *angry voice:* just don't let it happen again! and i stared at her for a while. only one person laughed.) anyways, the fact that all of them are guys makes me feel slutty. ah well. a lot (most) of them are younger than me. that one college girl who is disgustingly hyper was in my group this time. she has a thing for rubbing my shoulder and comforting me for what she thinks i'm thinking. for example:

me sitting on a bench.
she runs up, giddy as hell, and chirps: late ey?
doesn't wait for a reply, rubs my shoulder and squeaks: yeah, don't worry about it. i was like, steph's late? she's no quitter! hang in there steph!
what the fuck? where the hell did you pop out from, and how can i shove you back in there?
*sigh* she just tries so hard. what a trooper. i wasn't even talking to her at one point though, and she says "hey..i don't mean to sound silly, but you have really huge....*rubs her fingers under her eyes and stares at me with a dramatic concerned look on her face*..."
me: "bags under my eyes? yeah, i'm tired."
her: "no kidding! they're so huge and dark! aw but that's okay right? yeah! *claps* you look like you just woke up!"
me, taking note of my extreme car-seat hair: "yeah. i did, actually."
her: "you were also half an hour late!!"
...and so on. i already went into what she said after this.

oh, annoying little toad. where would i be without you? probably in a happier place.

i don't think i should answer rhetorical questions anymore.

to sum it up: i'm happy, but sad. life is a big contradition. could be worse.

alexgirl is holding some silent auction for what is called the spirit bear. it's an actual bear. what a hippie.

i want josie to feel awesome, cause she's so much better than she knows.

tyler is a suckass who doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about when he talks about universitites. you can never trust someone who can't tell the difference between his ass and his face.

haha krystian says laurie has problems.

Steph says:
they just guessed that you were krystian.
Steph says:
from how i described you.
... says:
I don't think i want to know how you described me
Steph says:
well..
Steph says:
yeah.
... says:
if I look like my personality, it's a scary thing

i think i'm starting to offend him...among other people.

steve said he having party next weekend. shall we?

this week has been hilarious:

- seeing shannon slingshot backwards after being caught on the wall. (i'm sorry, but it was amazing!)
- demonstrations of josie's bodyguarding technique. we all know she just wants a hug.
- "accidentally" angrily yelling "whaaat?" at people who aren't really talking to me.
- saying hello to people who look away. oh i'm so bitter.
- robyn stuck a pen in my ear for no reason today in chem. i yelled out "robyn just stuck a pen in my ear for no reason!!!" and no one even looked up.
- the realization that everyone is naked underneath their clothes. talking about this while looking at mr.webster isn't a good idea.
- laurie and her skanky non-clothes wearing ways. get a coat that's shorter than your kilt, dammit!

and the latest addition...

today, when i was leaving to go home, ashley p and steph were in front of me. ashley was turned around, and was talking to emma. i heard the name "emma" many times so i figured it was her. i stealthly ran up to shove her, but decided to just creepily stand right behind her and to wait for her to turn around. i notice her hair is longer than i remember. i hear her voice, and i think "whoa, that sounds a lot like gemma....aw shit!!" and i run away. she never knew. but ashley and steph, who were facing me, saw the whole thing. it was sadly hilarious.

heidi said that labour isn't as bad as everyone says it is. she didn't even feel it, and she'd have a million kids one after another if it weren't for the nine months. she said the actual pregnancy is worse than the having of the baby. that is it for now.

i don't have any classes with josie. i just noticed. hey, none with shannon either! i always have classes with shannon...strange. well there's always homeroom. i'm thinking about school again. you know, you wouldn't think aaron would be such a jackass. i mean that as in when you talk to him, and what you hear about him...it's like two totally different people.

i think uniforms make me care more about my appearance. weird, eh?

school was actually good. i liked it. english was neat, we read some of king lear. mrs.demaiter is a lot cooler than i thought she was. i think i'm really gonna like that class. heidi said some extremely funny things though. i wish she knew how funny she was. physics sucked. i want gomez back. algeo was kind of weird, because i'm the only grade 12 there. mrs.wodja said that "this is an odd class for you to be taking...". she also said that for some reason, they made new calc a lot easier than old calc, but they made the new algeo (the one emma took) a lot harder than the old one. so they acted like i should be happy, but i want to take the new one since today was unbearably boring. we were doing grade 9 review. and all of them were in the same class for calc last semester, so you can understand how i feel somewhat...out of place. chem was the worst though, because mr.webster goes so slow and it's going to be like this for the rest of the year. i'm really surprised at how quiet the class is, for being so big. i was a little creeped out when he read us what the chem class is supposed to make of us. the only part i remember is when it said we were to become "stewards of god's nature" or something like that. lunch was okay. i'm not going to swimming tonight, but this is the earliest i've been home from school in a long time. i'm picking up my kilt today. woo woo. i think walking home with julie made my day a little worse. she's okay, but i don't particularily like walking home with her. all in all, it was okay.

but i feel nervous suddenly. why?

i feel like a bum because i whined to josie about joining teen light, but i haven't done anything.

sun lean faiye lot, gung hey fat choy!

this weekend has been the craziest one in a while.

reunited with some geeks and ended up sleeping over. strange middle of night conversations. krystian confuses me, but i wouldn't have it any other way. turns out more people were thinking what laura and kristine were thinking chicago night. i don't really have an opinion on it.

got in a car accident but was saved by bryan the towtruck driver. he's amazing. i'll have to retell that story one day.

volunteered at the sleepover program for 6 hours straight with some 340 hyped up boy scouts. the actual volunteering part was crappy, cause i was paired up with a weenie, but some of the other volunteers are pretty cool. namely this one guy, harrison. i think i surprise him a lot. i'm not sure how to explain that, but you'd agree if i could explain it.

i felt really sad and displaced while at osc, though. the whole place felt different and empty. i went to the teacher's area (no one was there, of course) and i saw how most of the teachers had put what we'd given them on display. mike had a "41" from our grad reception on his computer. it made me feel crappy, but happy at the same time. i left notes for them. i think i'll do that every time i volunteer. freaky? maybe. but that's never stopped anyone before. joe walked by. i laughed, simply because he is joe. laura and i had this plan to photocopy his aging machine picture from the host's office, but we never went through with it. i'm going to do it one day, while at a sleepover program, and surprise her with it.

i finally shaved my legs tonight. that was the only thing out of the ordinary that i did to get ready for school. i guess it's something. my kilt is supposed to be fixed tomorrow. i think i will like my classes. i don't know if i will like the workload. honestly, i don't think there will be too bad of a workload. it's just that when you couple it with biotech, piano, music history, swimming...

swimming will prolly be the first to go. how sad. but it always is. i just remembered i wanted to help out with the choir. i've been learning the songs mme.marchand gave me. they're okay. i'm not sure if i'm good enough to play them while people sing to it. bad memories...un trip talent show. i was supposed to play the rose while tara sang to it. except...dammit...we somehow went out of sync. i always get yelled at for not counting while i play, but i swear, she started speeding up, cause she was getting nervous. it ended badly. but people laughed so at least it looked planned. (...sure)

i can't sleep.

what else...

i guess i'm going to get my photos developed tomorrow. maybe i'll bring them to school. except that i think i talk about the nerdery a little too much already. oh well.

i dunno about this post. i wish i had the energy to tell a story. anyways, i'm going to try going to sleep. my new years resolution (shut up. i know it's late. let's call it a lunar new years resolution) is to be more loyal. and maybe be less of a pissy bitch to my mom. pissy is the only word to describe it.